A Beautiful Homebirth | Silver Willow Doula
By Becki Thomas, of the Kent Doula Collective.
A special thing happened recently. I attended my first birth as a doula. My first ever homebirth. As I’ve mentioned previously, I sometimes struggle to verbalise how I feel about a situation. Sometimes an experience is so overwhelming and beautiful I find it easier to write it down. I understand the importance of reflection to find clarity in a situation. My client has given her consent to document her beautiful birth. So here it is!
I did not expect my first birth as a doula to be like this. I imagined, I would meet someone in their first or second trimester, we’d have at least two antenatal sessions, which I would have planned to a tee. We’d have this amazing connection and I would be the one fighting her corner when she was threatened with induction or a section. That’s what I expected. This is not quite what happened (apart from the amazing connection – you know when you just meet someone and feel comfortable and relaxed? Yeah, that!).
I was contacted less than a week before my clients due date. Personal circumstances had persuaded them to find a doula fairly late in the day. Luckily for me, I responded and we chatted over messages then met a couple of days later.
She sent me across her birth plan prior to our first meeting. In all honesty, I was a bit nervous. I still feel like I’m transitioning from student midwife to doula. She had chosen a homebirth in water and had delivered her previous baby this way. She would refuse induction if she went ‘overdue’. She had a very quick delivery before and a possible PPH. My midwifery training caused me to be concerned. But when I met her, I thought no! She had her plan. This lady knew her stuff! She was super informed, knew the medical jargon and was confident in her body’s ability to birth her third child
The vast majority of birth professionals understand that keeping birth as natural as possible is preferable. The environment should be as relaxed as possible so oxytocin can flow and labour can progress. Very few people feel relaxed and calm in a hospital setting. However, there seem to be so many situations where a home birth is not ‘allowed’. High ‘risk’ ladies, high BMI, expecting a large baby, post dates – the list goes on. I understand why these situations MAY make birth a bit more complicated, but it is our job (midwives and doulas) to provide the information, so the client is able to make informed decisions! I need to stop thinking of myself a midwife, waiting for something to go wrong. I know the research, I know that birth is not an illness to be ‘fixed’. Its natural – and where else can you feel more natural. Where is the best environment for the oxytocin to flow but at home?
From the first meeting, I felt a connection. Little messages to and fro, like we’d known each for much longer. One in particular was lovely, sending me positive vibes for a course I was attending. A message out of the blue. She was thinking of me. I’m not sure if all doulas are the same, but I think about clients/ prospective clients a lot! Concerns, hopes, curiosities. And here, one was thinking of me. How lovely!
I got a message on Monday, saying she was getting a few period like pains, which were irregular. From that point I was on full alert. Phone on loud. I thought, if it was anything like her previous birth, I may not even get to her in time! I allowed myself some down time. I read, I watched TV and I even had a little nap. It was as is my body was somehow aware I’d need some extra oomph over the next few days! My doula itchy witchy feeling was on high alert as I prepared for my first birth. We had an exchange of messages on Monday evening and tried to rest. Timing wise, this birth was absolutely beautiful! I didn’t hear from her again until 6.30am the next morning. Both of us had a decent amount of sleep, but her tightening’s had got a bit closer together and were feeling more intense.
Coffee and breakfast time for me. Let’s get prepared. Snacks – tick. Doula Kit – tick. Phone – tick. Phone charger – tick. Kids sorted – tick.
I’ll be honest, I got a bit excited. Eager to get to her, and get my doula on! Anxious about how long it would take to get through rush hour traffic, I arrived at 8.30am.
When I got there, my client was in her zone, managing her surges amazingly. Rather than distracting her, I took it upon myself to set up the fairy lights and tealights she had put aside. I also set up an oil diffuser, using a blend I had learnt on my ‘Aromatherapy for Childbirth’ course I had undertaken a week prior. Almost immediately the atmosphere in the room changed – its amazing what a nice fragrance and some twinkle can do!
We had a few calm hours. My client was suffering with a lot of lower back pain, as in her previous delivery. I offered a gentle back massage, which seemed to ease some of the discomfort. We did this every half an hour for about 10 minutes a time.
I watched as she followed her instincts. She leaned over the birth ball and rested when her body told her too, and she got up to pace the room when her surges intensified. She stayed hydrated and eat little and often. Textbook!
At times, I did feel like a spare part. Am I getting in the way? Is my presence distracting her flow? Should I go out for a bit. At one point, I showed her husband how to massage and left them alone to connect. But, just when I felt especially ‘spare part-y’, she turned and said ‘ I’m so pleased you’re here’. I don’t know what prompted her to say that then, or even what I was doing that made her say it, but I felt relieved. I was making a difference to her experience.
At around 12.30 she decided to contact her midwives and ask them to come. She told me later that she was coping but felt she was nearing the point when she may want some Entonox. She was asked on the phone if she would be happy for a student midwife to attend. She consented. This was always going to be strange for me. What is my role when they get here? I know they’ll have lots of questions for her. Will I have to talk on her behalf? She had requested no VE, unless she asked for one – would I need to advocate for her? I felt quite protective of the current calm, relaxed environment. Selfish really, it’s not my birth!
I needn’t have worried. The midwives were so respectful of her choices. They did not force anything onto her (not that she would of allowed it!). Despite their arrival taking the ‘birth crew’ from 3 to 7 (the second midwife also had a student), the mood stayed the same. We were a collection of likeminded women cheering another woman on. We had her back. She was doing this!
It was time to get into the pool. She had birthed in the pool during her previous delivery, but as it had been so quick, she felt she had not experienced all the benefits. I could see her body was starting to tense up, she was becoming slightly more vocal. The midwives set up the Entonox, and I proposed she go into the water first as this may be all the relief she needed. I could see her relax immediately. Shoulder relaxed, refocussing on her breathing.
As lovely as the midwives were (and they really were!!!), putting 6 women in a room together can lead to an excess of chatter. We had got into the routine of staying quiet during her surges, and I only spoke if she spoke to me. I was aware that asking too many questions, may be frustrating and keep her from focussing on staying in ‘the zone’. During one surge, there was quite a lot of chatting. I gained eye contact with my client and focussed. In that moment it felt like just me and her in the room. I could sense she was getting distracted by the chatting, and it was like I brought her back down. Shoulders relaxed, refocussed on breathing.
She began to feel a bit ‘pushy’. She had asked me a few days earlier to take some photos, which I was more than happy to do. I took my position as key photographer ready for the big moment. No one guided her, told her when or how to push. She did it intuitively. She put her hands down to feel her baby arriving. She birthed her baby beautifully. A little girl. Straight to her chest. No one else touched her – just mum and dad. I don’t think I’ve seen a calmer baby. No crying. What a relaxed environment to be born into.
Mum had requested optimal cord clamping, so baby was attached for around 10 minutes. After the placenta was delivered, Dad provided skin to skin with his little girl as mum left the pool. Again, I took photos of this beautiful scene. I made tea and toast (postnatal essentials!!!). Baby latched onto the breast like a dream. All was well.
After a while, all but one of the midwives left, and I helped mum shower and freshen up. Baby straight back to the breast when we returned. I was honoured to be able to film their toddler meet her baby sister. Such a beautiful moment.
I stayed with the family for about 3 hours after delivery. On my journey home, I felt elated. The intense feeling of gratitude, awe and pride in this woman, who I’d only met a week prior washed over me. What an experience? What a job? This is what birth should be. Not because it was in the water. Not because it was at home, but because this wonderful woman felt in control, empowered and informed of her choices. She trusted her body.