From Boobs to Books | Emma Rosen

Hi, I'm Emma Rosen, indie writer and mother of three. You can find me at:

From Boobs to Books

Before I had a baby I was under the impression that breastfeeding was always a blissful experience. It’s ‘natural’ (that word that so often gets mixed up with ‘easy’), beautiful, healthy, good for the environment, cheaper… it seemed to be the perfect route for me.

However, after a thirty-hour labour, little to no support in hospital and a dose of sleep deprivation, I wasn’t feeling in love with breastfeeding my new son, Finlay. Within a few weeks I had cracked, bleeding nipples and was in near constant tears.

I doggedly worked on Fin’s latch and did everything I could think of to make breastfeeding work and, gradually, it became easier. My wounds healed and I fell into a rhythm of daily life. I was proud, of course, that I had turned things around, but, I felt hard done by. After all, what little I had been told about breastfeeding before I had a baby had always been idealised, picture-perfect. I, on the other hand, was a tired, paranoid mess, overthinking every tiny facet of my new baby’s life.

I started to write. It was a secret project; I didn’t want anyone to think I was silly for trying to be a writer or for working on something so ‘niche’. But, I felt it was vital that raw, honest stories of breastfeeding (or any life experience for that matter) were shared. Besides, typing out my experiences was a kind of journaling and it helped me to work through how I felt. It was extremely cathartic.

I believe whole-heartedly in the importance and value of breastfeeding. All women deserve to be supported and informed to reach their breastfeeding goals. But, I think this can only be achieved through honesty. If I had known that other women had found breastfeeding challenging, if I hadn’t felt isolated, then I would have coped better. I had needed real women’s stories to show me that lots of people struggle.

I’ve since had two more children (two girls: Mae and Zoe) and the experience was completely different. Not perfect, at times I’ve still been so tired I thought I might die and I’ve felt touched-out and fed-up, but I didn’t feel like any of that made me a failure. I had also found a breastfeeding community that made me feel normal and supported and who have become my soul tribe.

As time has gone on my little writing project grew. It’s hard to find the time to write when you have small children but I squeezed it in at every opportunity. I began by writing when I was breastfeeding, my laptop balanced on my knees. As my babies grew older and fed less I would write in the evening when they were in bed or on long car journeys. Any moment I could grab, I increasingly believed this book needed to be out there. Not a book by somebody famous or extraordinary, but a regular mum who had happened to breastfeed her babies. The struggles of breastfeeding in our society where it’s such a rarity needed to be shouted from the rooftops. It helped me to keep working at this book, hoping that one day it would be something important to other people too.

One night I realised I had finished writing. At that point it didn’t matter so much whether anything came of it, it was important that I had done it - I had written a book. I had found the one topic that would keep me motivated and interested for long enough to write something. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I knew what jobs were and I shyly started to admit that I had been working on a book and I might one day try to get it published.

Of course writing is only a part of the full story of a book. I edited on pool-side while my children had swimming lessons. I read out passages to my husband while we were on holiday to make sure it scanned right. I had to get it as close to perfect as I could get it.

Initially I tried the traditional publishing route and it didn’t work out. I was disappointed, but I hadn’t come this far and worked this hard for nothing. I decided to take matters into my own hands and publish it myself. It was strange; people had suggested self-publishing when I finished my first draft and I’d had no enthusiasm for it. However, now it reignited my passion. Where I had been despondent from being turned down, I was now excited that I could have creative control over this book which I cared so deeply about. After all, it was a subject I was fascinated in and it featured the stories of my three incredible babies. ‘Milk’, as it was now titled, couldn’t mean more to me.

Fortunately there is an amazing indie writer community on the internet to help. I had started to make YouTube videos about books and writing as a sort of creative outlet. I also watched videos on every aspect of writing and publishing. There are amazing creators out there who share everything they experience to help out other authors. It’s a remarkable community and I love being part of it. It’s helped me to turn this book into a reality.

It turns out that I really enjoy the business side of publishing too. I have visions of where I could go from here; there are so many possibilities. It’s hard work, but it’s rewarding and exciting. The frustration and passion that I felt that night when I started typing about my breastfeeding experience have somehow led to me fulfilling my career dreams.

It’s amazing what breastfeeding can do.

Ruth PayMay 20, 2019Comment

From Boobs to Books | Emma Rosen